On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
