my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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