The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
