its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
