Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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