he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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