the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
