Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize