dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
