just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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