Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
