There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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