hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
