Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
