i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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