I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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