Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
