You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
