if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
