he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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