Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
