Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
