Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
