I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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