Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
