I must be too annoying 4 u.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize