Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
