I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
