Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
