evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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