PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize