I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
