he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
