you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
