I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
