Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
