i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
