if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
