We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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