If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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