her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
