I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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