Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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