im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
