i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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