Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
