i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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