At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
