Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
