i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
