Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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