I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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