what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
