oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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