if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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