first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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