New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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