after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I love you.
Bad choice
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