I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Randomize