i was born a porn star she said
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
