A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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