I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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