I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
