Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
