There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
