Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
