Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
