I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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