That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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