we have officially lost it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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