I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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