I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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