So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
